Earlier I remarked on an opportunity created by the Obergefell decision here. I said:
"Post-Obergefell, the Church is presented with an opportunity for homilists to recount Church history to see how to tell the truth in the face of sin and persecution...." Well, happily it appears the process has commenced:
"Post-Obergefell, the Church is presented with an opportunity for homilists to recount Church history to see how to tell the truth in the face of sin and persecution...." Well, happily it appears the process has commenced:
If
#LoveWins, What Has Lost?
Many of you with kids
know how difficult it is to constantly teach them and to form them. The same
lessons, over and over, and you’re busy or you’re tired. The kid is reaching
into the cookie jar and you could say something, but you think: will it really
matter? (it’s their sixth cookie after all).
Priests are fathers and
we’re tempted with the weariness too. I felt it last week when our culture was
conversing about the Supreme Court decision (and with varying degrees of
civility). Would another word from me really matter—especially since this
conversation has been deteriorating for the past half-century? And could I give
a word with charity?
That was a big question
for me. I was tempted to just simply react. But, if there is something I’ve
learned in my years as a priest, it’s this: we can’t beat the devil by
using the devil’s weapons.
The devil employs anger,
snarkiness, ugliness, oppression, hate, and mob-mentality ruled by
emotionalism.
In contrast, Paul says,
Power is made
perfect in weakness….
[Therefore] I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses,
in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.
Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults,
hardships, persecutions, and constraints,
for the sake of Christ;
for when I am weak, then I am strong.
[Therefore] I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses,
in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.
Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults,
hardships, persecutions, and constraints,
for the sake of Christ;
for when I am weak, then I am strong.
Content with weaknesses
and insults and hardships? I was hardly content! And that’s because I was not
thinking as God thinks. God does not work as we work. The weakness of God is
stronger than human strength, His foolishness is wiser than human wisdom (1 Cor
1:25). Exhibit A: the Cross.
I knew that I would need
time to reflect, pray, think, get some exercise, seek wisdom and counsel—and
only then open my mouth.
And so, having done
that, this is what I would say to all who would hear:
*
* *
My children, God made
you male and female and has called you very good. Gender is good and it is important.
There is a diversity of gifts there and a complementarity, the depths of which
need to be prayed about and reflected upon—and not glossed over as an
embarrassment of historical inequalities—for one gender without the other
leaves them both deficient. As our heavenly Father says, “It is not good for
man to be alone.” Indeed, man’s masculinity needs the complimentary of woman’s
femininity; and the woman’s femininity equally needs the man’s masculinity.
God’s plan for the man
and woman receives a deepened meaning when He invites the two
to become one through the gift of Holy Marriage. The gift of Holy
Marriage is His gift to you and not just simply our
ratification of our earthly love. It is His gift, a share in His innermost
secret: that is, that God is a communion of persons united in His very nature
and therefore called Family. Holy Marriage, as instituted by God in His plan of
love, was meant to lead men and women to a divine participation in His
innermost family life—which would include not only children, but also the
angels and saints.
Marriage, therefore, was
not meant to be an end to itself, but a means to that end. As a result, in
heaven, there is no more giving nor receiving in marriage because marriage has
served its purpose: to bring us into communion with God. Oftentimes, we have
that upside-down—I’ve fallen in love before and I know that it is so easy to
make another person our be-all, end-all. But marriage isn’t the be-all, end-all
as our society presents it to us. Marriage is the means to the
end. Jesus Himself calls to us as the Bridegroom of our hearts.
The problem arises when
we seek to put our own designs of marriage separate from the intellect and
heart of God. At that time, love is wounded, injustice ensues, and eternal life
with God is put in jeopardy.
For example, some say
that “what others do is their own business.” Love, however, says something
different. Love says that we are our brother’s keeper. We are a community of
love and so we are one body. And where one member suffers, the whole body
suffers. In much the same way, if we do an act that is unjust, the culture
feels it. Without love, we would over-look the suffering of members of the
community. Thus, to the extent that people say this is a private matter, there
is not love.
Case in point: in the
debate concerning the Supreme Court decision, there have been several groups of
people who have been overlooked. Two come to mind: women and children.
In the case of the union
of two men, injustice is done to their children. How so? Children have a right
to a mother and to the genius of her femininity. A house of boys needs to know
the dignity of the woman.
The injustice has been
done to the woman because the woman’s gift of femininity is said to be
meaningless and therefore worthless. Is that really the message we want to send
to girls: that being a woman doesn’t matter? That was the message sent by our
Courts. And if gender doesn’t matter in marriage, then where does it really
matter? And if gender doesn’t matter, then neither does being a Mother and
being a Father.
Many have responded to
such line of thinking by saying that divorce is also unjust to
children. And we agree. The Catholic Church vehemently opposes divorce and has
been doing everything in her power to renew and restore those families that are
struggling. This is why the Church also speaks out against adultery,
pornography, lust, prostitution, domestic violence, emotional abuse,
alcoholism, fraud, drugs and every kind of sin that undermines the high dignity
of marriage.
That being said, I do
not condemn anyone who supports homosexual unions. Truth be told: holy marriage
became suspect many years ago. Not only because of divorce and adultery and
porn and whatnot, but also because marriage was separated from having children.
Let’s be very, very honest: in practice today, there is little difference
between homosexual relationships and heterosexuality. Yes, there are obvious
differences. But, really, in today’s culture, both embrace cohabitation without
the sacrament of Marriage; very few pray (only 1 in 5 Catholic families pray
together); recreational sex is for its own selfish gain and very rarely is it
open to kids; and the commitment to the relationship exists up until the point
when such commitment becomes too painful to continue. So, I do not fault people
who support homosexual behavior—heterosexual people have already been living
like that for years.
As a father, I know that
these words may convict some of you. Our Father is merciful and he wants you to
come home. Come to confession if you are or have been doing these things. Let’s
be renewed by Jesus’ love!
*
* *
There was a time when I
could have intense debates with people with whom I disagreed and the dialogue
was marked by a respectful decorum. At the end of those conversations, all
would return home as friends and probably more learned. But in our culture,
such decorum has come to an end. And it came to an end by the hashtag: “Love
wins.”
This implies that
something lost. And what lost? Hate.
Now, I want hate to lose
too. But what has been labeled as hate is that which I have said to you today.
This post, because I have supported marriage so defined, is now seen as
equivalent to the hatred and ignorance that fuels racism and which once
motivated slavery.
And when we say “love
wins” it also implies that the game, the dialogue, is over. After all, we only
declare winners and losers when the game is over.
In effect, we have been
told to be quiet. That this is experienced at the national level is troubling to
me, because democracy requires the free expression of ideas—even those with
which we disagree. To silence such dialogue not only affects our country, but
our friendships and our families.
I have had many
conversations end with someone giving a dismissive “well, you can’t tell me
what to do.” And they are right. They are adults. I can’t tell them what to do.
But such retorts are what step-children do when their step-father tells them to
take out the trash: “You’re not my dad. You can’t tell me what to do.”
I will admit: the
Catholic Church may come off sounding like that when we tell the Courts that we
aren’t going to follow them. We are vindicated in our speech by our Father who
is Love.
My deeper concern is
about my children who do not listen to their priestly fathers. Or to their
mother, the Church. Or to God the Father.
And if God isn’t their
dad, then who is? There is only one other father: the father of lies.
I will admit: as a
priest and father, I am hurt by the brokenness of the world. I am hurt by it
because I do love. I love my children who are here and who are away. I go in
search for those who are lost. And if the world should call this hate, then I
long not be a part of this world.
Yes, these are difficult
times. But I am reminded that the Cross is a Cross—not a couch. Catholics are
no longer going to be able to be both Catholic and comfortable. Many of us will
be faced with difficult decisions—if we haven’t been already. Some of these
will involve business, to which our Lord says,
It profits a man nothing if he gains the whole
world but loses his soul.
Some of the difficult
decisions will involve friends and even family. We love them, but they are not
the be-all, end-all. Christ first. Hear Him when He asks:
Do you love me more than these?
And then, to those who
have found these words too difficult to bear: He says
And you, will you leave me as well?
To which I respond:
Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of
eternal life.
Let us pray for each
other in our weaknesses, that God may strengthen us by His love!
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